Fashion is not Vain, Dumb, or Stupid.

Ziad Ghanem Catwalk Show, AW14. (My image)

There is an assumption that fashion and feminism are on opposite ends of the 'interests spectrum', the former is compromised by the latter, and they never go hand in hand. The general outlook is that you cannot be a feminist if you like clothes, because clothes are vain, shallow, and insignificant and females, in the eyes of feminism (all rational people) are none of the above (correct) and should therefore disassociate themselves from such a mundane past time (incorrect). What is so often over looked is the fact that the opinions surrounding fashion are intentional and have been socially conditioned because this artform is the one area in life where women have a greater freedom of expression than men. 

Fashion is treated as trivial because women are treated as trivial. 

It is the height of irony that women are perceived as ornamental beings, objects of desire, and are constantly encouraged to tirelessly seek out a better physical self, yet when we take an interest in the very same attire that we are supposed to shower ourselves in in order to achieve all of this, we are punished for it. We become self centred creatures. Really, there is no winning. As a woman, you're either not good enough or you're trying too hard and this is exactly why feminism needs to be associated with fashion.

It is a definite form of sexisim to turn one of the only forms of expressions where women are free to liberate themselves and twist it into something that is worthless; an interest you should be embarrassed about taking a liking to.    

When the shoe was on the other foot and the most exquisite clothes were worn by the richest men in the land, frills, fabrics, and wigs were a status symbol and a goal to aspire to whilst those who weren't elites, Lords, or Ladies had to make do with rags and a palette of greys. But over time, more fabrics became widely available and more people were able to dabble within the realms of fashion, including women. And this isn't liked... the whole 'women having power' thing.

The tide has turned and women are free to adopt an androgynous appearance, in fact it's on trend, but it's a rather different situation for men. I'm not saying this is right, because it isn't, and anybody who knows me understands my firm belief that if I were a boy, I'd be a drag queen. I'm all for a man in a frock. But not everybody else is and whilst women are free to take on masculinity within the fashion sphere, the same does not go for men and even the idea of a 'man bag' is met with a widespread cringe. Men adopting female clothing styles can expect mockery at best and prejudice or even violence at worst. There are also sexist reasons for why it's this way around- masculinity offers an admirable sense of power while femininity is inferior and is not a quality worth aiming for- but the point remains, women have greater flexibility. And men, in history, have found this power unsettling because women have risen above their place and this is where the negative stigmas come from... men tied women down to stop the art form from revolutionising a females position within society. 

The sad thing is that it worked and can by proven by the fact that women's fashion is not made by women. You are far more likely to succeed within the industry if you are a man. Where is the justice in having an industry that is heavily targeted at women being controlled predominantly by Men? Of course, there are powerful women... let us not forget Dame Vivienne Westwood and the infamously fearsome Anna Wintour of Vogue. But she's most likely been a bitch because she's had to be- it is not easy to earn enough to survive in fashion never mind making millions as a woman at the top. On a small scale, of the 20 students on my art foundation course, which has recently drawn to a conclusion, only 3 were male and yet the odds are in their favour in terms of being the most successful. Likewise, the girl:boy ratio at UAL, a group of London art universities which include the best fashion & arts institutes in the world, is 75% female and 25% male. These students are the creme de la creme and yet 75% of students studying are at an immediate loss because of their gender.

Despite men being far and few between at the relevant universities, the situation is completely reversed at some point during the translation of studying and forging a career. Although it's difficult to gather statistics, the Womenswear Designer of the Year is perfect in showing the gulf between genders. Over the last 13 years, the prize has been given to a man 8 times but a woman is yet to win the Menswear Designer of the year award. Fashion is therefore a feminist issue and instead of one being completely disassociated from the other, they need to start working together and allow women to swim, not sink.

For this to happen, there are a number of ideas that have been forged and need to be undone again in order to rid the negative tones that have been attached to the interest that someone may choose to have in clothes. We need to modernise the thought process when people hear the word 'fashion' and I also think the fashion industry has to do a bit of work too:

1. Having an interest in fashion does not equate to a lack of intelligence. One of the biggest stigmas surrounding fashion is that anyone who takes an interest is in no doubt an air head. The underlying reason for this is because of the degrading of fashion that I have discussed above; the assumption is that anyone who takes an interest in something so superficial must therefore have no substance themselves. Obviously, my argument is that fashion isn't superficial, and nor are the people involved. In every industry, and in very work place, there will be a materialistic, shallow person, and yes- these people also exist in the fashion industry... but you can't tar everyone with the same brush. 

The assumption that you must be a little bit dim if you wear nice clothes and spend time putting an outfit together is wrongly entrenched to the extent that I've actually seen feminists attack and/or belittle other women because they like fashion. I'm currently reading Jo Brand's autobiography, and as much as I love the woman, I was upset by her remarks about some girls she came across during her school years:

She states early on in the book that: "I subconsciously absorbed the message that being a girly girl and dressing to please was not the way forward". This doesn't really seem that bad, but it immediately isolates "girly girls" for what they wear and pictures them as something fragile.... this is the start of a sarcastic dig at women who like fashion. 

She continues by comparing her choice of clothes of: "a T-shirt, trousers and plimsoles" with the other girls waring "pretty dresses and nice shoes"... making them sound a little bit inferior to her 'boyish' choices.  

And the insulting part comes when she sarcastically refers to their interests: "A few girls whose heads were filled the very important details of what was fashionable that year" ... making it sound as though this is totally insignificant and because they happen to take an interest, they did not have the capacity to care about anything else. She explicitly labels them as "sad" and "empty-headed" making the assumption that liking fashion makes you a bit thick.

... This really upset me because I usually completely idolise the woman.

2. Women do not dress to impress men. The belief that fashion is anti-feminism because women use it to attract the opposite sex is massively flawed. Women use fashion as a feel good tool- they dress for themselves. When women dress to impress, it's often for other women because it is a form of expression that a large proportion of us are interested in- fashion is a uniting common ground that women from all over can identify with. The best place to see this in action is at fashion week, women flock to one other in awe of each others outfits and often, once a conversation starts rolling, you forge friendships as a result of someone liking your watering can shaped handbag.

3. There is absolutely nothing wrong in caring about your appearance, focusing on your best bits, and being body confident. Because women are bombarded with a constant stream of airbrushed images of goddesses as a target to aspire to, being told what diet to try next (according to the latest edition of Grazia magazine it's all about 'The Clay diet' which simply involves drinking clay), and generally being told that we don't look good enough ever, we've got used to feeling crap about ourselves and being battered and bruised by outsiders opinions. 

I think it's tragic that only 1% of women in this country consider themselves to be beautiful. It shows how we've been socially conditioned to believe that the word 'beautiful' is about your face, not who you are, and links with my belief that women are almost embarrassed if they're happy with they're body. Well there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Being comfortable with the way you look does not mean you're shallow or vain, it's a very positive way of thinking. Flipping go ahead and love yourself and be proud about it.  

4. Being 'fashionable' is not the same as being 'high maintenance'. A fashionable woman may not actually take three days to get ready to go out for tea. And even if it does, don't be quick to judge it as high maintenance behaviour. Fashion is often about knowing your style, having an eye for creativity, and being able to visualise what 'works'. This means that a lot of 'fashionistas' can put outfits that may appear to have been carefully planned and thought down to a 'T' in just matter of minutes. It can take 5 minutes to get something together, or it could take 50. If it's an interest, then there is absolutely no problem in experimenting with outfits- I reckon it's healthy for your self esteem and mental health to play about with your wardrobe. Using the word high maintenance is simplifying and shunning a creative process and a hobby.    

5. Make-up is totally OK too! I only wear make-up occasionally and never did do for college, which was often met with remarks such as "you're so brave!!!!" which is actually both insulting and patronising. However, if I did to choose to wear make-up I don't think it would make me any less of a feminist. Obviously, if someone feels as though they can't leave the house without make-up on then there is a massive body image problem going on, but wearing make-up, I believe, is just another branch of the fashion industry that allows scope for extra creativity. You can do some amazing things with make-up. And if you feel as though popping on a bit of lippy, mascara, and bronzer makes you look that little bit more fabulous, then go for it... work your assets!  

6. If someone is interested in fashion, it doesn't mean they're a bitch. Not much explanation needed here but for some reason this assumption is made (this was another thing that Jo Brand suggested in her book) and I THINK it's because people are intimidated by people who look good. Especially when big sunglasses are involved. Just remember that just because a girl likes her fashion, doesn't mean she wants to morph into the personality of Anna Wintour.

7. Live television reports/newsrooms need to stop patronising women with 'powerful' high heels. Never have I seen a woman reporting the news, on breakfast telly, or on a panel, in a pair of flat shoes.  (Actually I think Caitlin Moran wore a pair of converse for an interview on NewsNight once). It's old fashioned minds at work and I find it all a bit unsettling. Why do women on the telly need to wear them? A smart heel is no smarter than a smart flat. And I'm quite certain that not every woman on the screen wants to be sat/stood there in a pair of shoes that are crippling their feet... especially when they're on air from 5.30am. There should be a choice. Having all female news reporters in high heels is a bit patronising and turns the 'empowering women' attempt into a 'lets-dress-our-women-up-like-pretty-little-dolls-and-make-them-a-bit-taller' horror show. (Production and styling teams, sort this out please.) 

8. The fashion industry needs to acknowledge that 'plus-size' is NOT a size 12. BUT we need to acknowledge that fashion is not the only source responsible for the country wide "lack of body confidence crisis." I am sympathetic with anyone who discredits what seems to be the industries projection of an ideal (stick thin) woman and I agree with the fact that 'plus size' should mean exactly that on the catwalk. Using tiny models is also a problem, and yes, many models do have eating disorders because of the brutal nature of the work. But sometimes magazines are forced to use tiny models because the samples they're sent for shoots are tiny as it's all about minimal waste and maximum profit. There are also many designers who do use plus size models, such as Ziad Gahnem who walks complete novices and as well as plus sized models with blue hair, covered in tattoos, he also hires transgender and transvestite models, as does Pam Hogg. So there are actually designers within industry, working vehemently to change it- they're not all the same. 

9. We've been taught to judge others instantaneously based on what they wear... this stops us wearing what we want to wear. On a personal level this follows a similar theme to the make-up comments I receive, my clothes aren't especially 'normal', and so I get the "You're so brave/daring to wear that".... which, as I say above, is not actually a compliment!! People seem to find it acceptable to discredit my clothes just because they think I can handle it. I get the "what on earth is that?!?!" reaction quite often. 

But I'm not 'brave', I'm just me. I wear the clothes I do because I like them not because I wake up every morning and think to myself "Today I'm going to be visually courageous". I much prefer the terms 'adventurous' or 'experimental' because thats what I do with my clothes, I explore with combinations and constantly find new things that I like, and I show the world this by walking down the street in an a pair  of my mums old dungarees, clashing patterns, and battered doc martens that are covered in paint. I don't let the mainstream trends or opinions effect my choice in clothes and I really wish more people thought this way. Wear the clothes you do because you like them, not because you saw 307 other girls wearing it first. 

There should be no shame in wearing the clothes that make you feel good. This is empowerment, and everything about that is rooted and supported by feminism. Womens fashion is feminist!

Just be you. 

10. Fashion is not Vain, Dumb, or Stupid. Need I say more?

Hannah

x

Facebook rant I made earlier.....

Fitspiration, Thinspiration, Eating Disorders & Why I'm Miffed With Instagram.

Taken from an Instagram account, 'Thinspiration Station" that claims to endorse weight loss with a 'healthy' approach.

"Hashtag thinspoooooo!!". That's about as '2014' as it gets. Most of us, even my 84 year old Grandma, use some sort of social networking platform and will therefore come across 'fitspiration' and 'thinspiration'- a 21st century culture that supposedly encourages us to aim for a better body and a better 'self'.

But, as with just about everything else on the planet, it isn't as simple as that. This internet craze, that one of your well intentioned friends (or even yourself) will have shared on their/your profile at some point, has a much a darker side and unfortunately it's just a click away from Google.

Instagram, along with other social networking sites, either blocked the hashtag 'thinspiration' or replaced it with a popup for www.nationaleatingdisorders.org because of the unhealthy nature of this deathly pursuit for thinness. The difference between thin/fitspiration advice, and symptoms of an eating disorder are often indistinguishable; on searching, you are essentially taught to see the body as the enemy.

Unfortunately, the work of social networking management in tackling the negative bombardment of thinspiration is too simplistic. Both of the options mentioned above are not sufficient because: a) popping up a link is more of a 'lets-cover-are-own-arse' move than something that productively encourages vulnerable people to seek help. b) blocking hashtags doesn't work. 'thinspiration' is blocked, as is 'thinspo'. But 'thynspoo' isn't (50,877 posts under that hashtag on instagram) and nor are 'ana' (for anorexia) or 'mia' (for bulimia) with a combined total of 9 million related posts on Instagram. And c) These sites make massive contradictions. There are still hundreds, thousands of accounts dedicated to thinspiration on Instagram and yet mine was removed and I assume that was because I posted several posts with the hashtag 'eating disorder'. I used this hashtag for credible reasons; the posts in question were of my artwork which I've made to help raise awareness of eating disorders and promote recovery and this was made very clear in each and every caption. I do NOT suggest that eating disorders are a conscious life style choice.

So here I am, with a newly made instagram account whilst others, dedicated to 'thinspiration' are still in existence, have thousands of followers, and as many posts. 'Thinspirationfreak' for example has over 8000 followers with a profile full of womens stomachs and thigh gaps. Meanwhile 'thinspirationstation' has 20k followers and claims to be "inspiring weight loss in a healthy way" despite posting images with slogans such as "Think before you eat" and "KEEP CALM AND BECOME A SKINNY BITCH" plastered over them. Yeah, real healthy.

A thinspiration post.

Thinspiration

This image, and the one above are examples of the work that my former Instagram page used alongside the hashtag 'eating disorder' as well as 'recovery'. I reposted the fork onto my new instagram page with the same well explained caption.

And this brings me back to the the link I made in point 'b' between 'thinspiration' and eating disorders. It's a crucial link and prompts the question 'where is the line drawn?' Well, in fact the lines are totally blurred. The fact is that thinspirations counterpart, fitspiration, which remains unblocked on social media despite being dubbed 'pro-anorexia layered in muscle', motivates people through encouraging hatred of the body. It is a trigger waiting to be pulled- the bullets of eating disorders are hitting more and more people. There has been a 60% increase of EDNOS in women over the last 10 years and a 24% increase for males.

Posts on social networking sites that focus on body image in a degrading way does not help this rise, they actually contribute to it. I actually think that thinspiration/fitspiration posts and pro-ana posts are pretty much one and the same. 'Pro-ana' is a movement that developed in the 1990s but it has exploded in the last few years, it argues that anorexia is a choice, not an illness, and in some cases, pro-ana websites endorse the illness and basically argue that you aren't perfect until you are dying. And people do. Die I mean, people do die. Anorexia alone has the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses and 20% of people suffering with anorexia will die prematurely because of either suicide, heart attacks, or other medical complications. There are currently 1.6million people in the UK known to be suffering from an eating disorder whilst millions of others will be hiding from the truth.

For the last year or so, I've learnt a lot about eating disorders. Not really because I became increasingly curious about the respective illnesses but because I've had to. I've had to because suddenly, anorexia and bulimia were thrown into the works- not for me personally, but for someone very close- and when you are a bystander in these situations, there's really not much you can do. You can be a support, but you can't make a mental illnesses disappear. And that for me, has been crippling. So I decided to learn; to learn and understand on a greater level so I could be compassionate when it was most needed.

I taught myself through endless research and a full time art project which was inclusive of both practical work, written reports, and documentation of other peoples stories.

And I know enough to say that thinspiration and fitspiration are deterimental to mental health. These posts encourage diets and excessive exercise and, according to 'beat', 35% of people who set out to diet 'healthily' end up pathologically dieting and 25% of these people end up with a full blown eating disorder. There is also strong evidence to suggest that eating disorders are not only genetic, but transferable within friendship groups if eating patterns and weightloss become a prevailing conversation topic. And in a society where 69% of children aged 10-18 get their inspiration for their own body weight/image from magazines, it is likely that this is a conversation topic. We really don't need a degrading thin/fitspiration in a society where the perception of beauty has already been socially conditioned.

 There is of course an opposing argument stating that it is possible to retrieve positive influences from  posts of the fitspiration genre. The account 'Skinny Mom' argues that:

“someone with low self-esteem and self-worth will likely have an unhealthy perspective of fitspo images, whereas someone who has high self-esteem and self-worth will have a healthy perspective”.

And this, I suppose, is true. Someone who is body confident and knows their physical worth will know to ignore the hatred that is entrenched in these posts. Although that isn't really making a 'healthy perspective', it's actually just censoring out language with bullying overtones and listening to your own body.

So just how many people are positively effected by these posts and images? How can their possibly be a majority of people finding these posts enlightening when only 1% of women in Britain consider themselves to be beautiful? And why would anyone who was comfortable with their body search for criticism as a source of motivation to improve?

I will argue, until the cows come home, that this hate teaching culture is monumentally more damaging than it is helpful.

It teaches us that are worth is made up of our bodies and that are purpose is superficial; it is judged by the looks we get for our bodies. They use an abusive form of motivation to inspire body shame. The images trigger anxiety, hopelessness, and ask you to go to all extremes to achieve something that is unsustainable; "don't stop unless your puking" and "be stronger than your excuses". HELLO!!!?? Stopping at the point of collapse is not an excuse, it's your body screaming at you for help.

You are worth so much more than just your body; it is the shell that holds you and your life. One of the earliest feminists, and one of my main influences, Mary Wollstonecraft, said the following back in the late 18th century and it remains overwhelmingly relevant to society:

"Taught from their infancy that beauty is woman's sceptre, the mind shapes itself to the body, and roaming round its gilt cage, only seeks to adorn its prison.”

Here Wollstonecraft explains that society endlessly tries to define people as their body. We are asked to believe that our power, identity, and worth lie in what we look like; for women, our beauty is our best and most powerful asset so we have to make the most of it. Like Wollstonecraft, I oppose this. Your body is the vehicle which your life depends on but it is not everything that you are. Who you are is so powerful, so magnificent, that it is actually intangible.  Nobody will ever be able to physically touch the whole of you or your personality- you are in charge of what that is, no one else. This new wave of culture is trying to reverse this idea and revert back to eighteenth century ideology where looks become everything (especially for women), and so your body becomes your limit and your prison when in fact it should be respected by yourself and others should respect you for having that confidence. 

The messages that fitspiration/thinspiration send in teaching you to remove yourself from your physical being, and attack it, are simply aggravating an already growing problem of decreasing self appreciation. Each year, 5000 15-19 year old girls are diagnosed with eating disorders in this country and instead of bowing down to bones and the patriarchy that anchors us, we need to inject positivity into society and teach people how to love their bodies. 

Trying to runaway from your body doesn't work.  You cannot run away from you. You will always be there. So use this to your own advantage and the reap the good qualities you already sew instead of searching for constant imperfections, and flick a massive 'V' to fitspiration type posts.

The alternative to not having your body isn't a great one; your life has amazing value so treat your body with respect and love. It is the 'thing' that will transport you through life, not an empty vessel. 


Hannah Riley
@hannahtheduck

(follow my new instagram account 'ihannahtheduckling')

The Desire to be Normal

I've just spent a few minutes led fully dressed, sprawled out on top of the duvet, staring out the window watching the silhouette of an oak tree, breathing deeply, desperately trying to relax myself, whilst willing the misery to ooze out of my body. And secretly, swimming away at the back of my mind was an overwhelming desire to be normal.

I wasn't sure where to post this set of ramblings- on this 'political' blog or on my other one which focuses on fashion and my random exploits both in this country and abroad- but since I've written a mere two articles on here, and considering that emotions are becoming increasingly dragged into the realms of politics.... this feels appropriate.  

Like every other person on this planet, I get upset. But nobody ever really seems to write about, or even open up about, the fact that when things aren't going smoothly, they'll sit down and sob uncontrollably, or they'll tuck themselves up and cry themselves to sleep. I've done both. Countless times. Tonight being one of those occasions.

As a recently turned nineteen year old, I count myself very lucky to be a teenager who has no qualms about their appearance, my body doesn't bother me in the slightest, not because I think I'm beautiful- mainly because I don't really pay much attention to how I look in terms of my face shape, or the positioning of eyes, or my random freckles, and my odd shaped bum, because frankly, as long as I keep in decent shape, I don't really care. I frequently stroll around the house in the nude and every now and then on a Wednesday evening I strip right down to my birthday suit and stand completely starkers for a life-drawing class. The 'issues' that I do have, are more mental than they are physical. 

Anyone who knows me can establish that I'm not a 'typical teenager' right down from the clothes I wear to my eccentric persona, and my quirky and largely unknown idols, to my confident people skills and the mere fact I single-handedly started a business at the age of 16. I have never done anything to fit in, or to be accepted by any group of people; the outlook is part of the reason why I was bullied quite severely during my last year at primary school, which consequently evolved into being the reason why I fiercely stand up for myself. But what is often missed, or perhaps just not noted, is that I don't not conform on purpose. I never go out of my way not to fit in; I'm just a freak of nature.

In fact, there have been moments, such as tonight, where I'll sit and wish that I was a conventional girl. I don't hate myself, there are simply elements of me that I wish weren't here- they make my stomach churn and my skin crawl. These are the feelings that rise from the dark and take over my senses in the midst of my panic attacks, screaming fits, and uncontrollable states of crying. In the height of it all I sit and pray to a God I don't even believe in to take away my bad bits and turn me into a teenager who wants nothing more than a future filled with a 9-5 job, two kids, a loving husband, coffee mornings, and a yearly planner, and to be the kind of girl who wants a big white wedding. To be societies normal. And I know it's all relative and subjective and perhaps there is no such thing, but that's what normal is.... isn't it?   

Without sounding pretentious, I'm a very complicated person in the sense that I'm a human make-up of contradictions; I'm confident whilst having a bottomless pitt full of self doubt, I'm sensitive yet I'm physically quite tough, and I'm extremely bubbly but I suffer from anxiety which sometimes causes me to be a very unhappy person. I'll be the first to admit that other than a fear of homelessness and failing, and a desperation to be happy with my career, I have absolutely no idea what to do with my life. And that terrifies me more than anything else in the world.  

Sometimes a fake-tan smothered, Hollister wearing, conventional teenager is everything I wish for. Eventually, I'll see my senses and realise that I'll always be a big 'paleskinned-feminist-hollisterboycotter-freak' at heart. I am who I am, and when I'm sane and not wallowing in my own misery I honestly do embrace it and really, I am fully aware that my desire to be normal will never be worth it.     

I think I feel these things because it's not often said that being insecure, unhappy, and being sick to death of your own company is a completely normal feeling. It's far more normal than to be like everyone else. And when I take a step back and rationally try to evaluate the pros and cons of being me, and being societies idea of normal, I'd take me- and all the emotional baggage- every time. Because if we're all genetically unique then where's the sense in mimicking somebody else? My new advice to myself, and to you, is to embrace your imperfections and be entirely yourself. Wear, say, do, feel, and love what and who you want (as long as its not prejudice because that will really get on my tits).

The next time a cup of tea isn't enough to solve your misery, and rock bottom has been hit, or you happen to be an onlooker of someone driving themselves to despair, engulfed in a state of negativity that is seemingly unsolvable and becoming somewhat irritating, remember these pieces of advice from little old, insignificant me.

Firstly, Read this quote and realise that depression isn't selfish:

“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.” 

- David Foster Wallace

Instead of showing annoyance, be understanding, and if you are the person feeling trapped and can see a tunnel with an end but no light, feel what you have to feel; don't try and hide from or rush through your emotions. Understand yourself a little more and realise that it's ok to freak out, and it's even more ok to be you. 

Secondly, stick to your own mind and don't doubt what you think is best for yourself. If everyone else thinks differently, it maybe the case that you only look mad because you're the only sane one and everyone around you is insane.

For instance, I know that if I were to stay on the treadmill that education is taking me on and start university in September, because that's what people do, I won't be happy. I'll be as trapped as the person in a burning building. I need to be sure of what course to do in order to spend that much money on it. And to be honest, I can't bare the thought of being in a system that makes me feel so alienated for another three years. University isn't for everyone. I'm sick of ticking boxes and filling out application forms to please other people. From this point onwards, I will research, apply for, and enroll on courses only if I feel I'm doing it for myself. The only person I, or you, need to make proud is yourself- irrespective of what your parents, teachers, or society wants for you. Don't follow suit if it doesn't make you happy. There is no rush- you have your whole life ahead of you- enjoy now. 

If you're too concerned with the future, you might miss the amazing glistening thing that's currently in the corner of your eye.  

Finally, Popping pills is not the answer, that's just a money making idea of solving things. Those things are evil, they make you 'steady'... everything is grey and nothing is happy just as nothing is sad. Pills don't cure anything, they just mask emotions and turn you into something you're not. I hate the idea of being the result of a manufactured pill; becoming a processed, controlled human. It's not natural. 

And with that, I come to the end of my stream of consciousness, and already I feel refreshed in refusing the normalcy that I yearned for just an hour or so ago. And hopefully, this has spread a similar feeling to whomever may be reading this. I don't want to say I've been 'deep', I just think I've been honest, there are negative connotations associated with seriousness; people are skeptical of articles delving into deeper emotions, but I don't really give a shit.

Have a nice a day.

Taken for my final Fine Art Project at A-level. Focusing on Mental Health Disorders.
Laura Hollingworth by Hannah Riley.

Hannah Riley
@hannahtheduck